Grounded

I have 6 kids in my house, from 4-17.   And with each child comes a unique discipline plan.  Some of them are easy going, and don't get into trouble too much.  Others are in trouble daily,  and other seems to bring it on in heaps at a time.  One thing is for sure, there area consequences of actions in our house.  If you break a rule, there are consequences.

Our 4 year old little boy is testing boundaries right now.  He has a little bit of an anger issue going on when he gets caught.  So we had to get really strict right now with him.  He only gets one warning.  When things calm down we will slowly release the reins.  We do spank Isaiah because he responds to that.  

Our 5 year old little girl has gotten her first grounding.  She gets time outs, and when her "fun bubble" is bursted she has huge melt downs,  I just put her in her room and let her scream, and scream...and scream!:)

Our 9 year old boy has "attitudes" that need a "time out" to calm down.  Most of the time he is really good, but every now and then he just needs a time to reflect.

Our 17 year son losses privileges.  Most of the time he doesn't even understand why, but this is normal for teenagers.  Communication is a big thing, he will lose cell phone usage, computer usage, and other things.  With him it is always hard to define what grounding is for what because he always seems to group getting into trouble all at once.  

Each of our foster boys we deal with in basic discipline, re guiding. 

For the younger kids we use time outs, a minute pre year.  

Some days this gets exhausting.  It seems I correct and guide more than I do other things.  But over all, I feel good about taking my kids out.  Most of the time they behave well.  My favorite time is when they tell me I am grounded. And I think "YES"!  I am going to my room and chill!  But never does my groundings last long!

Disasters and Kids

This last week has set many of our local children in memories that most kids just read about.   But many of our kids have lost their homes, roofs, trees, and some family.  Kids handle this lost, this grief differently.
When we have storm warnings, the younger kids ask "What if our toys get blown away?"  "We can replace toys, we can't replace you, so our job is to keep you safe"  After the storms last Wednesday, we lost the big tree in our back yard.  This was the tree that Robby and my kids have grown up with.  It wasn't one of the back row trees just blocking the view of our neighbors.  This was the one that when Robby was 4 the branches hung to the ground and they made forts our of them, the tree he tried climbing, the tree where he found an Indiana arrow head.  To him this tree was special.  His response was he cried when he saw it, just sobbed.  The two younger ones didn't understand, but Isaiah just put his hand on his back and rub it.  Jeremy, being a teen, said to just get over it.
As we walked around the neighborhood, Robby said this was the worse day ever.  I said this was a good day compared to others.  Robby and Jeremy went with Dan to Athens, the saw part of the path of the tornado, Robby came home and said we were lucky to have our house.
The three younger ones wanted to know about tornados and how they worked.  Robby has an idea, but I happened to have three weather workbooks from one of the local TV stations we picked up from kids days somewhere.  Just right for the moment.  (homeschooling mom's mind, hands on learn:))
My oldest acts like this was all no big deal.  But having 7 days of no power, I am sure brought back some memories of his past with no power cause mom had no money to pay the bill.  But he has a strong desire to help.  He wanted to get the tree down as soon as possible.  While we have tried to find a spot for him to volunteer more, somehow that always fell threw....but there is many opportunities coming up...

But one thing is for sure, my kids want to help, and I love their servant hearts.

So some resources to help kids.

http://www.ldr.org/care/children.html
http://www.fema.gov/kids/dizkid1.htm
Coloring book "After the Tornado"
Fema and Redcross Coloring book
http://www.aap.org/disasters/index.cfm
Red Cross
Many Links to other resources

Resources for teens
Tips for Helping Adolescents
Teens Coping
talking-to-teens-about-natural-disasters

Our next steps,  making sure the kids know we are prepared.  We will collect our flashlights again and make sure they work.  Make sure that they know we have a plan and all is fine.  Restock the little bathroom again, make sure our weather radio still works, (it didn't work this last time)  Making sure we have our radios in a good place.  As a foster home we need to also have this ready again.  It's been awhile since we had it posted.  So it is time to have them ready and posted again.
Share any more resources you may have!

How I met my Youngest Son

On kids birthdays, most mom's tell the story of labor and how the cute little baby pop's into the world.  When you foster or adopt you have stories of how you first met you child.  And this is the story of how I first met my youngest son Isaiah.
We had just finished fostering our first baby Nathan.  He was a premie and was 4.5 lbs when we brought him home.  That was in April after he spent 3 + weeks in the NICU.  He was very tiny.  In June arrangements were made that he was to be moved to an aunts house.  I sent him off told the end part of June, just pushing 10lbs.  He was tiny, but sweet.  I was thankful he was with family and that I got to sleep again:)  But two weeks later I received a phone call.  A family of nine had been removed temporary from their mom.  They needed a home for a 3 month old baby (2 days younger that the premie I just handed off)  and maybe the three year old.  I was ironing iron ons to t-shirts for VBS (the things you don't forget).  So I said yes.  That was on a Thursday.   They did tell me that the baby had a rash on his neck, and I said that should be ok.  Isaiah at the time was already in emergency foster care.
I got ahold of the foster mom and we talked for a bit.  Isaiah was already 16 lbs.  I just handed off a premie at 10lbs.  So I knew that I had to close up all the baby stuff I had out and start over.  She said that Isaiah was spitting up a lot, full bath towels worth, so Isaiah Dr. made an apt for him to see the Ear, Nose and Throat Dr.    So we made plans that I would come to that meeting and Isaiah would come home with me.  So on the following Tuesday I got a sitter for Robby and headed over to the Dr. Office.  I had no idea what to expect.  I had a diaper bag packed and the car seat ready to go.  I walked in wondering if it was going to be hard to identify which ones they were.  Nope not at all!  There was a thin sweet lady, holding this pudgy adorable little baby.

Who at the time looked more hispanic to me than bi-racial.
I went up and introduced my self.  I tickled Isaiah's little belly and got a little smile.  Then I held him for the first time.  I didn't know at that time that he was going to be with me forever.  I knew that at that time it was temporary was his mom got things together to get her kids back.
After his foster mom and I talked we realized the social worker wasn't there yet.  She called everybody, and could get a hold of none.  Soon it was time to go back to the apt.  So us two foster mom's headed back with this sweet little baby.  Before we knew it we got a knock on the door.  A nurse told us that Isaiah Mom was here for his apt.  Were we to let her in.  "Of course" I said, after we talked for a minutes.  So here was Isaiah, with his emergency foster mom, his new foster mom and his biological mom.    Poor Dr. didn't know who to talk to!!
Why we were there in the first place.  Isaiah had GERD/LPR.  So after a few test, he had medicine to take to help control the acid in his stomach.   When he got home I limited his feeding to 3-4 ounces, and taught him how to use a pacifier.  He also had to sleep reclined up at night to help.
So after the apt. I gathered up Isaiah, said goodbyes to his mom's, and headed home, with this screaming baby the whole way home.  (Oh how he hated car seats!)  At home Robby and Dan met him.  And so our journey with this little 3 month old 16lb guy continues now as he turned 4.

AnnieQ's Room-Before and After

When we moved here 7 years ago, the middle bedroom became Robby's.  It was the first room we painted, yellow and blue, with trucks, every where.  On one side we painted a chalk board, which is really cool (next time I will think hard on the placement of it!:)).  I loved that room.  As years went on, Isaiah, joined Robby in that room.  Then the girls came and I had two toddler beds and a crib.    As we saw our family growing, we knew we needed our other bedroom to be a bedroom and not an office.  So the dance of the rooms is in progress.  We moved the bunk-bed into the boys room and I began the task of de-junking the room, then stripping the wall paper down.    I almost can't believe the room was as bad as it was!!














But now it is together and I say I did it around $150.  We had the bed, headboard, which Dan attached to the bed.  I bought a bed skirt, the curtains, two canvas baskets at Target.  About $75.  The Disney bedspread we bought last year almost new at a thrift store for $6.  The wall canopy was given to us.  Some of the wall decorations I got at Hobby Lobby a few months ago for about $15.  The rest was spent on paint.  I didn't paint the blue...partly cause Isaiah's hand prints are on there, and I made blue work.  I still have some other thinks I need to paint pink, but I am done for a bit.  I still need to go through the selves on the wall, but until I get the boys room settled, I don't want to move that stuff.
This room also has the crib set up for any foster babies that may come our way.  It also transform into a toddler bed also.  The desk was Robby's a few years ago, he moved on to bigger ones, and I don't have a chair there yet, cause the chair will be used for other things, like climbing on to see things.  By next year the chair will end up in there.
So I think I did good!!  Can't wait for AnnieQ to see it, I have had the door lock for two weeks!!



























- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

For the Love of a Child

I wonder if children know now much their parents love them.  I wonder if children know what we parents will do to protect their kids.  I wonder if children get it.
When I found out I was pregnant with Robby, I immediately went into protection mode.  And Dan did too.  You know the not climbing on chairs, going white water rafting, going on roller coaster...well you get the picture.  When Robby was born we protected him by supporting his neck, made sure he slept on his back and burped him so his belly didn't hurt.  I remember when we first got Isaiah.  He was 3 months old and he was a mess.  He had yeast infections on his neck or lack of and bacterial infections with in the yeast infection.  He was stiff and cried a lot.    He had acid reflex and we would need towels when we feed him.  We did everything to get him better and at that time he was our foster child, but he was ours.  We sometimes forget how much we did, cause today he is healthy and happy.
When our oldest was having some issues at school, we did what we needed to get him back on track.
When you love a child, you go to the end of the earth and beyond to protect that child.
It makes me sad to think of the children whose parents don't protect their child.  My list could go on and the children I have seen in foster care, it is sad.  And you just want to scream at them and say "Why?" "Why are you not protecting this child of yours?"  And some just can't protect them.  They just don't know how.
And I think of parents sitting in the NICU or PICU watching their tiny babies or 13 year old sons, wondering how do I protect you?  And sometimes there is nothing you can do but hold their hand.  And sometimes not even that.  But for the love of a child parents will sit endless hours, waiting for the glimpse of healing.
And when children dabble in areas that can be harmful, drugs, sex, violence, crime, parents take action-to do the things they need to do to protect their child regardless of what that child has to say.  

And sometimes everything a parent does doesn't everything in the world to protect their child and bad things still happen.

I think of our heavenly Father.  What He does for the Love of a Child.  He sent His only Son for the love of a child.  For the Love of His children, he sent his One and only Son.  That is the best example of what parents do for the love of a child.

For the Love of a Child, what will you do?

When your 3 year old says he saw fire....

Yesterday we had eaten a yummy dinner and came home to see if we were going to go bowling.  We were only planning to be home for a few minutes.  Everyone ran in to use bathrooms and such.  Isaiah came to me and said "mommy I saw fire in my room."  Ok I said fire huh.  Isaiah is 3 and has a wonderful imagination.   He said this a few more times.  We just kinda of brushed it off.  So finally I said "ok show me."  So we started walking to the room and I realized the hall light was out.  Ahhh I figured the hall light went out and flashed be it went out and that was the firer.  So Dan went and got a light bulb and was going to change it.  Soon he realized that none the lights in that area works so he went in flipped the breaker.  Checking to make sure light were working he went to flip on the boys light....a loud pop and sizzle came from the room.  "Are you Ok" I yelled to Dan.  "Yep" he said and came with the source of the firer.  This summer Isaiah had a temper tantrum and threw a toy and broke part of their light switch plate.  We just never fixed it.  In the few minutes we were home, found a tape measure and stuck it in.  The firer.  Well sparks and blew the fuse.  Melted the tape measurer and the plate.

So moral of the story...1) change plate right a way...2) when your 3 year old says he saw firer check it out the first time!
 We were lucky this time.....

9 years ago....

I was meeting my son for the first time!  After 24 plus hours of labor and a c-section (my first plan of beaming the baby out didn't work) Robby was born.  After my recovery they finally brought in this little guy to me, he was finally here.  So perfect....and tiny.
And now 9 years later, my little boy isn't so little.  He is sweet, kind, sensitive, creative, smart, curious, active, and just a joy to be around.  And while he is not perfect...he is a precious gift from God!

Who knew he would grow so much!

Character Qualities in Children-Truthfulness and Responsiblity

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to see in my kids when they leave home.  What type of person are they going to be.  Obviously I want them to have a strong love for the Lord.   Each one of my children are in training for their future.  Training to be a citizen in our Country, training to be in the work force, training to be a husband or wife, or just to date respectfully.  Training to be a mom or dad.  Training to be a member of a church.  The list goes on.  Training comes every day regardless of whether they like it or not.

So I found a list of 49 defining character qualities.  I think it is a great list and am going to take 2-3 and discuss them.  I am going to take them in order that I think my kids need to hear.

The first one is Truthfulness vs. Deception.  Each child at different ages lie for different reasons.  Younger kids are learning what a lie is.  But the older ones, they know about lying and lie for many different reasons. Truthfulness--"Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts."

When my children lie, I loss my ability to trust them for future things.  And then when they tell more little lies not thinking I know even makes me more mad.  Being deceitful losses privileges and trust.
My favorite lies...Isaiah did you get in the chocolate?, "nooo" Are you sure you didn't eat the chocolate? With a big chocolate smile "no mommy"  (Isaiah 2)

So when one of the older ones lies, I look for two things as we teach, train and discipline them as to my trust being restored.

• 1-Do they feel bad for lying.  Is it tugging at their heart.  When kids feel that guilt or shame, or just feel bad you know that have grown a little.  Robby about 6 months ago hid my keys.  When I asked him where they are he said he didn't know.  I was really upset because I had to take the baby to the Doctors office and had to cancel.  Robby felt really bad and finally he told me had hid them but forgot where he put them.  Finally 5 hours later I found them.  He apologized many times that day.  

Which brings me to the second thing.

• 2- They apologize.  When they sincerely apologize then I know that day they learned a lesson.  But when I don't see these things happening, then we need to step back.  It takes longer for me trust again, and feel like I can let them do all those special things in life that they want to do.

Why a child lies is a whole different blog.  But that they are learning that being truthful in life will get you farther than being deceitful is the key.  Ephesians 4:25 says "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members on one body." (NIV)

The second trait is Responsibility vs. unreliability.  This is another big one in our house.  Being responsible for our things, our actions, and our  tasks given to us.  The kids are suppose to put their shoes on the self when they come in.  But daily I have the same conversation "go put your shoes on" I don't know where they are.  "Did you check the self?  "They are not there"  Have you looked everywhere.  "yes (normally in tears by now) they are not there.  Then they look up... this my favorite, I don't think they are on the ceiling!
The responsibility to do chores with out being told and to do them right the first time.  My 15 year has yet to grasp the responsibility of trash.  The chore is to collect trash and take to garbage can (this can almost be done daily in our house) and then on Tuesday nights take can down to street for pick up.  The trash in the kids bath room has been there for over 4 weeks, and trash only went down on a Tuesday evening when he wanted something.
My 8 year old has school responsibilities doing the day time and does not always get done what is assigned to him.  Not because he doesn't know how, he just chooses not to do it.
We are working hard on this issue.  My kids will have many responsibilities when they leave home so for now we keep training, molding and shaping responsibility in them.
Responsibility -knowing and doing what both God and others are expecting me to do.  "So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.  Romans 14:1 (NIV)

Stay tune for more character qualities coming your way.

To Our Country

Last night our CDC (Child Development Center) at our church did their spring program.  Our little girl AnQuenette attends and is there three days a week.  We had a color guard from a local high school come in.  One of our CDC mom's is in the Navy and spoke to everyone.  And one of our preschool teachers is in the Army Reserves  just came back from a tour in Iraq and she shared her story and some pictures with us.

And of course the children sang those wonderful patriotic song that we all know and love!!  And the congregation sang with great pride as our children beams with joy!

Why do you do it?

Many people ask, why do you do foster care?  Why do you waste your time with them? Don't you get attached to them?  Isn't it hard when the leave?  So where did you get your kids? The questions go on.

My simple answer is why not do foster care?  And I didn't know I was wasting my time nurturing children.      And yes, we get attached, it is a gift we give to each one of our children, to teach them how to be attached and loved. Oh and my favorite, why we got them right here in the good old USA!! 

We have had 10 foster children now, three whom we adopted.  Our first one was a premie baby boy, 4 and 1/2 lbs.  We have had two 4 month olds (one now three-Isaiah, and Leila -1 still foster) a 2 year old, babies, 3 & 4 year old, twin 2 years olds just for a evening, a 13 and a 15.  Each one having their own situation and story. Each having their own battles to deal with.   Leila has had the most family involvement.  Each story special, each story sad and happy.  But each child we have touch with the love of God and that may be the only thing we could have done for some of them.

So why do you do it?  Why not do it?  Have you thought about it?  Even if you can't bring a child into your home, you can help a local foster family, be a mentor to an older child.  Volunteer at you local DHR office.