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Hopping to It: Husband traveling...again

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Husband traveling...again

I know a little bit about a husband traveling.  Maybe a little bit too much.  Two years ago he took a new position in the his job as Chief Engineer  for the DOD.  I knew when he took it that there would be traveling maybe twice a month.  Well the traveling has been much more than twice a month.  This month we look at three weeks of traveling with the possibility of 4 weeks.  We are use to it now.  We have life with Dan and life with out him here.
When we got married 10 years ago (well in Aug it will be) I knew he traveled about 8 times a year.  But I also traveled maybe that too with my job.  When Robby was a year, Dan had to be gone for 6 weeks.  I was working so I couldn't travel with him.  Robby and I were in the process of weaning of of breastfeeding  when he got sick.  And then all he wanted to nurse.  I had no one there to help me with him because Dan was traveling.  Working and trying to take care of him was hard.  But a small lesson in being a single parent, a lesson I didn't think was going to be such a part of my life.
Most of Dan's travel was M-F long, and we just trudged through it.  But then one year doing the summer he had to travel over extended weekends to judge robotic competitions.  That was a terrible summer.  Things that we normally did we couldn't because not only did Dan have to work doing the week, but he would leave for the weekend also.  Camping became a thing of the past (anyone want to buy a trailer?).
So when this job came up it was to only be for a year and I though I can handle this traveling scheduling for a year.  Within 6 months he had already signed on for another year.  Traveling wasn't as terrible yet.  In fact he went almost 3 months with little travel, it was nice.  Then is seemed like my pop-pop died, we got AnQuenette and her sister Mia as Emergency foster care placement and Dan started traveling alot.  As summer approached I had just moved into survival mode.  I wasn't sleeping at night, my hand was in pain.  The girls were very had to deal with and much was going on with them.  It was a very hard time.
We did take two summer vacations to Disney World, which we all enjoy very much.  But the in between time was crazy.  We only get two months for summer vacation here, but the big thing we were looking forward to was the boys being adopted and then that weekend the big party and Isaiah's baptism.  But between the adoption and Party/family Dan had to travel.
And so now we have gone a whole other school year of Dan traveling more than twice a month.  He does take off when he knows it is best for him to be home.  And he does help as much as he can when home.  I purposely send children off with him, and he takes Leila to daycare when here.
And how does traveling effect a marriage?  It is hard and takes constant communication.  It is hardest to have him gone in the evenings and on weekends.  Times that we would normal talk and be together.  Sometimes it is hard to always talk on the phone, things are happening with the kids, or he is busy on the other end.  But we always talk, at least once a day, but every day.  And when he is home, we find times to go out, do things and be together.  It just takes work, but don't all marriages take work!  Lots of it!!  And little trips to hawaii is so bad either!!!  (a perk of all the traveling!)
I think Dan's traveling is hardest on the kids.  While he and I talk everyday, it is rare that he talks to the kids.  First some nights by the time he can talk they are already in bed.  I wish he traveled with his own lap top or he could text!  Then the kids could skype him or send pictures and video to him.  He does face book, but for some reason videos don't work on his phone.  I do believe this is one area we need to work on being better.
So how do I do it with so many kids at home.  We just do.  It gets easier every time.  This summer I know I just have to do things with out him just so the kids have fun!!  We probably wont get a summer vacation with him so we do what we have to do.  But there is the pool for him to take them to and $1 movies.  And lots of other fun things to do!!
I had a army mom tell me that the first two weeks that their husbands are gone and the last two weeks are the hardest.  Once she told me this it all made sense.  Talking to her made me feel better, that the crazy feelings I was having were normal.
And so summer begins with three weeks of travel.  What can I paint in the house????

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